So I was having a chat with Christie and Helen the other day over MSN and we were talking about just some random stuffs when Helen veered off topic and asked me whatever happened to my old "Top Ten Lists" that I used to post out. As some of you guys might recall, I used to make these silly "Top Ten Lists" about anything I figured would merit the post a read, back when I was blogging at ModBlog. However, when ModBlog failed on me, I was forced to abbandon It and move here. Thus, leaving behind a significant quantity of unsalvagable posts. Long story short, I didn't quite write anymore of my "Top Ten List" after the move and so I eventually forgot completely about them. So I figured, "What the heck!", It's about time I started up a new one here. So my maiden "Top Ten List" here at Blogger would ring to the tune of sucktitude. Here now is my Top Ten List of Things That Suck.
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At TENTH place is a band quite unlike any other band, for they've earned my "Commendation of Sucktitude" as the single most flaccid boy band in history. Not only do they NOT make their own songs, they also seem to believe that they equal The Beetle's if not better them as an all time great boy band, all this just from a handfull of succesfull albums. There are a few things I am willing to put up with so far as boy bands are concerned; The weird-ass hair-styles, synchonized wardrobes, the seemingly absurd need to appear and talk like giddy teenagers when they are in fact in their mid-thirties, etc You get the idea. But there are a some things I simply cannot digest however;-
1) If your NOT playing an musical instrument of some sort, you are not a BAND!
2) If you constantly do covers of popular songs in the past and not come up with your own original songs, you are not a BAND! and,
3) If your entire concert routine involves just sitting down on a bar stool and standing up occasionally to give your mindless groupies something to cheer and talk about the day after (OH my God, did you see how Kian Egan stood up in the middle of "I Lay My Love On You", I just like totally died when I saw that!!!) YOU ARE NOT A BAND!!!
So who is this boy band you ask? If you still haven't gotten a clue by now, it's WESTLIFE of course. Congragulations you hacks on making such spectacular cookie cutter music and destroying all that was good in the original songs that you made covers of. Thanks to you, the braying sounds of a dump truck emptying its hold is far more gratifying to listen to now.
(OBVIOUS? OBVIOUSLY not their songs...)
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And at number NINE on the countdown is a car that's been overrated from the very moment the idea to build it was conceived. It was built as a low-budget vehicle for the commoners then, but hippies and twats drive them these days as a social statement that it's apparently "Hip" and "New Age" and whatever the hell crap they convince themselves enough to come to actually drive one of these sodding machineries to begin with. The Volkswagen Beetle was made in 1938 under command of Adolf Hitler by one Professor Ferdinand Porche (By the way that's Porche as in Porch-uh NOT Porchay or Por-shay, for all you orthoepically challenged souls). Yes, you read that right people. Porche is responsible for these buggers on our streets. Not only did it have the engine mounted on the wrong side of the car; the back, which skewed the streering of the damn contraption so badly you would think a shopping cart trolley had better handling, the Beetle also had a 0-60 time that was measured in months. Now I know there are a few other cars out there for instance the Yugo Sana that can match the Beetle when it comes to sucktitude. But the Beetle is truely one of a kind for the plain reason that despite having a list of flaws that could fill every page within the Magna Carta, The Bible, Torah, Quran and a medium sized telephone directory, it still managed to survive for 50 long years. Why? Because it was reliable. Though the darn thing broke down and acted up more often then unruly step child It was just as quick to be fixed up. That made the Beetle especially hard to 'kill'. Now there's something to be said here about German engeneering, most german innovations would do a solid 50 years of service when in good hands without so much as a hiccup. And that's probably one of the most narking thing about the Bettle, the fact that despite It's myriad flaws it just doesn't want to die. Like a vicious overbearing mother-in-law It just kept coming almost continously right of the production line right up till the end of 2003 when the German based manufacturer pulled the plug on the car. But the repose was short lived as just a few months in, Volkswagen announced their "New" and "Improved" Volkswagen New Beetle.
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We all have different ways to unwind ourselves after a particularly jading week. Some put on their favorite records, kick off their shoes and relax to the soothing euphony of their favourite artists, some reward themselves to a weekend at a preferred resort. Still some, take a warm bath and others perhaps a nice oil massage. But for me, It's the movies. Nothing makes me loosen up and kick back quite like a good movie. Just me, a bucket of popcorn and the movie, for 2 hours thats all that will be in my mind. Because in that short period of time I will hear no whining, bitching or complaints of any sorts from anyone. Just two hours of absolute bliss. That's where number EIGHT on the countdown drags itself in. The Lord of The Rings. 98 award wins, 62 nominations and 11 Oscars. Now your thinking, "Why Oh Fearless leader, is a movie of such caliber is on your 'Sucktitude List'?". Well my sweet potatoes, It's here NOT because the movie sucked. Nope, the movie was great infact. Those hacky sack playing tampon stains down at the Oscars wouldn't have given her a statute of a "naked, golden, genital-less man" without reason you know. The reason it's here however is because of a few highly irritating yet unacceptable things the movie presents. I shall begin to disect these reasons one at a time. The first thing that shocked me was that of the sheer length of the damn movie. 9 hours, count that NINE!!! one, two three, four... NINE!!! Thats longer then it actually took me to read the entire trilogy, (and yes I do read but do keep that piece of information on the down low coz' if word gets out that I do read, my reputation...SHOT TO HELL!) Anyways getting back, the second thing that just made me flip was that there was no nude scenes of Liv Tyler. I mean, what the fruit!!! We got a quick peek of her, (well semi-nude actually) in 
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Number SEVEN on the list is going to the sports category. With so much drama, controvercies, betrayals, action and lust then you can shake a stick at, number SEVEN actually resembles more of a very badly scripted japanese soap opera then a competitive contact sport as it should be in the first place. Between the mind numbingly barbaric idiocy it portrays and the spectacular levels of mentally defective fans the sport boasts, there's only one thing anyone with an astute mind can ever say to these tools, "Wrestling is NOT REAL, you dolts!!!". World Wrestling Federation (WWF) was what they used to call it until they changed it to World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE). Note the change as i will be getting back to that in a moment but first things first. Why Oh why do Americans love to call their sports "World" events when they're they only other nation thats taking part in it I have no earthly clue. It's not an argument against Americans, it's an argument in favor of proper terminology. I mean, take baseball for example. The big event there for baseball is called "The World Series", I'm sorry but i don't see any Rwandans or Germans swinging their bats in the "World Series". The only other nation taking part in the world series is the Japanese, and even they suck at it big time leaving the American side to win the world series everytime. Hear that people, America has won the 'World Series" everytime!!! Congragulations America. Once again, thank you America for reminding the other 191 countries on the planet that they do not exists. Now getting back to the change in the business name from World Wrestling Federation to World Wrestling Entertainment. This one has got more to do with where the whole sport is going to then it's seemingly goodwill gesture of resigning it's long held name to the World Wildlife Foundation (also named WWF). Entertainment, that's the name of the game now. Rightly so though because there was never a sport I've seen where successfuly ripping the clothes off a female participant entitles one to a win. Of course I'm not complaining, if only more world conflicts were solved this way, life would be so much more fascinating. I'd actually be thrilled to turn on the news and see Iraq get invaded. But what truely merits Wrestling it's place at number SEVEN is it's legions of warped and imbecilic fans. There is no sport on the face of the planet that sees it fans cheer insanely to two shaved gorrilas beating the crap out of each other with barbed wire and chairs, cept' for maybe the gladiators of ancient italy, but lets face it. The Italians contribution to society pretty much ended with the pizza oven.
(After several successfull bitch slappings and forcing her opponent into a severe hypothermia by stripping her naked, Terry finally won her right to bear non-silicone enhanced boobs.)==============================================================
This next entry in the countdown busts into number SIX with a raspy attitude and a seemingly godlike influence in todays world. Music Television Video or better known as MTV is not just your average music video television channel, no sirree... it's a lifestyle. Heck its a generation! This holy grail of teenage retardation had it's humble roots in the early 80's. Back then MTV actually stuck to it's original purpose of delivering new and upcoming music videos of various artistes. But just like comunism or school yard politics, everything started going downhill the moment it started gaining popularity. One moment small time bands and artists had a place to showcase their works to the world the next minute big time bands are hogging almost all prime-time slots. It was then that MTV began paving it's path to becoming not just a mere television programme but a social icon to later overtake god himself as the devine entity. Slowly corporatisme was starting to exhibit it uglier side within MTV. MTV began presenting things that had nothing remotely to do with music like "House of Style" and also a "Movie Award". Change was imminent now and all hopes of turning back was lost the moment MTV crossed the point-of-no-return by adding shows such as "Singled Out" and "My Life as a Pornstar" (Not available here for obvious reasons) to their daily line-up. Today MTV showcases everything but music video, the whole purpose of it's conception. It was only a matter of time until "reality shows" kicked in. "Real World" (or the newer variation now called 'Laguna Beach') was one of the first 'reality' based shows to come onto MTV's weekly line-up. As if with all the crap shows that MTV prods out shamelessly was not enough, now we get to watch every day five genetic rejects live their 'real' lives on camera. Then we got idiotic series like "Pimp my Ride", seriously how do these people come up with these absurd names for television programmes. Now I admit it would be kickass to have a rad set of wheels but keep that shit off the music channel! It's called MUSIC. That's M-U-S-I-C!!! Which part of that word even remotely describes cars?! And just like number SEVEN above, the final blow for MTV to secure its place here at number SIX is it's fans. Yep, for those of you who still remeber, there was once quite awhile back that MTV started it's own brand of news network. It was supposed to report on everything happening both in and out the music industry. But like ice-cream on a sunny day, that dream melted away even before it took off. It doesn't take a genius to realise it, but we live in age where the average teen has about the equavelent attention span of an average golfish, and to think that MTV figured it could keep it's 'fans' informed about things for one whole hour everyday is just hillarious.(Just like diarrhea after a hangover, it's MTV)
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Well we've hit the halfway point and my fingers are already starting to become numb from dancing them across the keyboard for a whole hour straight. Anyways, at number FIVE is yet another television channel, (hmm seems to be a patern here) but this one hits closer to home so thats why it's at number FIVE. TV3 or more specifically TV3's News a.k.a Bulletin Utama. Now for those of you who actually care to watch/read more then a couple of news sources before coming to any single conclusion as to whatever the heck happened to whoever the fuck half way across the globe then you'd know exactly what I'm saying when I imply that Bulletin Utama isn't exactly a beacon of "unbiased professional journalism". Between the purblind disposition it often paints regarding particular world or local issues and the idiotic selection of news it choses to report there's really not much I nor anyone in their right mind can say about TV3's news thats even remotely flattering. And shifting gears for a second, Why is it that everytime something happens to local celebrities TV3 is the first asshat on the issue. I mean, What the fruit!! We only get like 30 minutes a day to brush up on local and world issues (assuming some of us are too illiterate to even pick up a news paper and read every now and then *ahem*) and in that 30 minutes you'd think that a local news network who often boasts of its 4 million viewers would be responsible enough to report something more important but no, instead I'm being treated to 15 minutes of pure crap about Siti Nurhaliza's wedding or Siti Nurhaliza's nose job (Which by the way is true). Seriously who gives a crack about Siti and her seemingly enduring 'love' for a 50 year old grandpa's aging bank account lonely heart. This audacious lil tramp makes those slutty bithces that hangout at bars and alleyways seem like nuns with her apparent naivety. Wake up people, the women is not the naive girl she once was. She's a cunning lil' tart who knows exactly what she wants and how she's gonna go about to attain it. Marrying a guy who's 5 or ten years older to you is ok but marrying a guy who's several decades older to you is another thing. I mean, besides the ample financial assets these horny aging bastards have they really got nothing else to offer. For one thing, they can't get 'it' up anymore and french kissing them becomes freakishly creepy, with all the teeth gone and dentures taken out it's like molesting an oyster with your tongue. Disturbing you say, well so is dating guys who are old enough to be your grand dad, Stop feeding people bullshit about 'mature love' thats big enough to fill the butt crack of Sharifah Aini when all you want is his wealth. Shit, Datuk K actually trully loving Siti is like saying Hugh Hefner really does love his three 'live-in' girlfriends beyond mere looks. Of course, there will be the ussual 'love-bug' infected clown who will say "well you know, love can hit you at any age". Yeah true, love is a mysterious force but when it 'hits' you with a 50 year age gap, then you know cupid got his diapers in a twist and miss-fired a shot. Now getting back on topic, see TV3 news is a badass news agency so you know they've got have really badass news reporters on the prowl for fresh meat ergo; Karam Singh Walia the tree-hugging defender of the enviroment. I dig Mr.Walia for 2 reason, first being; He reports in a concise yet engaging manner because in age of short attention spans every news has to be brief and laconic as possible and second; He owns the government. Think about it for a second, everytime Mr.Walia goes on the hunt for a baddie who's been bribing evading the enviromental protection and preservation departments for years he somehow manages to find them and when he finds them, he does his razzle-dazzle report on the bithcers and immeadietly within a few days if not hours the respective goverment agencies respond. Mr. Walia can single handedly accomplish in a few short hours what government agencies couldn't in years. Now that's beyond prime-ministerial power baby!!! But the one thing makes TV3 so kickass enough to place it at number FIVE on the list is it's innate ability to break all lingual barriers by coming up with words of their own. TV3 is so badass that it doesn't need to adhere to accepted terminology thats been credited by respected national linguistic agencies like DBP (Dewan Bahasa & Pustaka). Nosiree... Hey, who needs a linguistic agency to tell TV3 what words they can and cannot use. By critising 'Manglish' yet coming up with imbecilic words such as "Advertisi" (Advertisement) to replace already established terms vis-a-vis the word "Iklan" previously used to be before the Petronas commercial and not to forget "Molestasi" during the Anwar Ibrahim trials in lieu of "Pencabulan". You can see now how TV3 has earned it's way up here to number FIVE, maybe in the years to come TV3 would deteriorate even further and go higher up on the countdown, who knows?!. Afterall, what doesn't make good news sure as hell makes good entertainment...no?!
(Berita Terkini, Hiburan Sensasi. Does anybody else see the irony in that?!)
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Next up at number FOUR on the countdown is a celebrity, quite like Siti Nurhaliza 'cept this minx not only fell from the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down, infact she fell right through the center of the earth and off into orbit when she came out on the other side. Infamous for her two-word vocabulary of "That's Hot" and her role in a very saucy nudie-movie which saw her win the Golden Glo-boobie Award for 'Best Performence', She now boasts not only a strong following of equally anal retentive groupies but a new trend of vogue inducing scheme amongst 'has been' celebrities looking for a quick way back into the spotlight. Yep, you ought to have guessed it by now and if you haven't then go kill yourself with a Twinkie while I introduce Paris Hilton into number FOUR on the countdown of sucktitude. Armed with daddy's platinum credit card and the mental sagacity of an average garden slug this babe trully defines what it means to "live off your folks". Most wouldn't have known her if it weren't for a certain "sex tape" which was mysteriously "stolen" from her crib while she was on vacation. Hmm... lets see; Pamela Anderson's tape = Stolen, Colin Ferell = Stolen, R. Kelly = Stolen. Seems to me that these here celebrities ought to go kill their security personels coz' they seem to be doing a rather shitty job of protecting celebrity shit. Either that, or the Pentogon should look into hiring these here paparazzi to snoop out Osama in Afghanistan, hey if they can avoid millions of dollars worth of security equipments, closed circuit televisions and not to mentions the hordes of bodyguards these celebrities have on their property just to get a tape, Im pretty sure they'd feel right at home navigating mine fields and evading Taliban forces ready to pop one in their skull on sight. Now apparently she going to get married to herself, well someone with her name actually. Paris Latsis, the Greek shipping heir is gonna go in for the long haul of possibly 3-5 years (Hey, in Hollywood terms thats like a lifetime). So that would mean Paris Hilton would be known as Paris Paris Hilton. Ahhh God sure as all has a warped sense of humour. Now for those of you who are into the whole 'Reality TV' thing, then you'd probably seen her in the show 'The Simple Life', you know the show where this dumb blonde and the other illigitimate whore Nicole-something fuck up the most menial of things, laugh, get paid then move on to screwing the next poor bastard. Watching her shows has turned from plain idiotic waste of time to just depressing. But hey don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that watching someone make a tool out of themselves is not fun, but let's just not make examples out of them shall we?! I swear almost every giddy 16 year old wants to be a 'Paris' because of her apparent beauty and popularity. Let's face it Paris Hilton will remain familiar to airwaves everywhere so long as she continues her rampage of dazed commentaries and half-wit shows. Paris is as dumb as water is wet, why do I even need to state the obvious here?! Its because there exists out there 'groupies' and the annoying lil 'tweens' that assume her to be their 'role-model'. Its like we've just stepped into the 'Twilight Zone' where folks actually take pride in being no smarter then a can of beans and for that Paris has earned her spot at number FOUR.
(I Don't know which is sadder the the failure to incorporate an apostrophe during the contraction of "that is"; or the improper usage of the possessive "your" during the contraction of "you are", Guess Ms.Hilton didn't fare all to well in English class.)
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Whew, finally we're at the top THREE. Now this is going to be a touchy subject for all you 'drivers' out there. I don't want to have beat around the bush since my fingers are getting sore so I'll just come out with it, Malaysian drivers are a trainwreck waiting to happen. Let's face it, if you're a Malaysian and a driver, you might as well don a "DANGER" sign on your forehead. If your a foreigner driving here you better be packin' a kevlar suit and if possible opt for a tank as your mode of transportation, be sure to carry a med kit still though coz' nothing stops a Malaysian driver once we're behind the wheel, quite literally i might add. A left signal for a right turn, a double take at a double line, 2 lane roads are quickly divided into 5 lanes thanks to our fantastic mathematical skill and optimism, Speed signs and traffic lights are mere suggestions. I could go on but for the sake of pithy I'll spare ya'll that. Now, let's talk about these cell phone mother-fuckers. Dude, put the phone away. You're a self-important little bastard. What the hell is wrong with these idiots. Look if you're gonna drive, drive. If you're gonna hang on the phone like it was a friggin appendage then pull over your god-damned car! Don't put others in jeopardy of being caught between a pile of twisted metal just because you wanted to know what thong your sister is wearing. And speaking of people getting run over, parents listen up! From this day foward I will award 5 Ringgit to anyone who runs down a 5 year old, 10 Ringgit for every 10 year old, 15 Ringgit for 15 year old and so on and so forth. Coz' I am sick and tired of dodging kids through traffic who aren't even old enough to wipe their own asses yet, but are riding motorbikes like they're racers in the Grand Prix. If you love your child and he's underage to ride, keep that lil fucker off the streets. Hell, beat the shit out of him until he's in a coma if he decides otherwise. So he'll suffer an emotional trauma, but at least he'll live, which is more then I can say If i ever catch one riding a bike. Next up, drunk drivers! You know, the type of asshole who always has to get shitfaced on the weekends, smells like a case of malt liquor and with no depth perception of any kind. As far as I'm concerned, give 'em the keys rev up the engine, and let 'em go sailing home with a bottle of taquila in their lap. One of three things will happen. 1: The cops will pull them over and end up having to beat the shit out of them, just because this fucker is in a drunken rage and refuses cooperate. Number 2: They'll wrap themselves around a telephone pole and either be killed or paralyzed. Cruel, you say? Well, so is inflicting your drunken stupidity on the rest of the world, so be ready to pay the consequences. Asshole. Scenario number 3, my least favorite: They make it home okay and pass out on the lawn with their motor running, while the radio is blasting some dumbass metal song from the mid-80's that no one wants to hear anymore. But at least it gives 'em a chance to try again next week. Then there are the idiots who just can't seem to paralel park their cars right and have to do a 78-point turn just to park their damn cars, so they avoid all confusion and double park right next to your car obstructing you from getting out. Oh and not forgeting the nuts who driving around listening to stupid dance music that no body gives a shit about. You know they turn it up really loud to get your attention while driving by as if your going to throw yourself on top of the car and start pounding on the windshield and say "Oh, I love you because your playing dance music!" Yeah okay. What the fuck ever. What you do is, aim for the tires and fucking blow those shits out and then he will crash into a telephone pole. So with all that, I think it's safe to say that Malaysian drivers have sealed their spot here at number THREE quite securely.
Whew, finally we're at the top THREE. Now this is going to be a touchy subject for all you 'drivers' out there. I don't want to have beat around the bush since my fingers are getting sore so I'll just come out with it, Malaysian drivers are a trainwreck waiting to happen. Let's face it, if you're a Malaysian and a driver, you might as well don a "DANGER" sign on your forehead. If your a foreigner driving here you better be packin' a kevlar suit and if possible opt for a tank as your mode of transportation, be sure to carry a med kit still though coz' nothing stops a Malaysian driver once we're behind the wheel, quite literally i might add. A left signal for a right turn, a double take at a double line, 2 lane roads are quickly divided into 5 lanes thanks to our fantastic mathematical skill and optimism, Speed signs and traffic lights are mere suggestions. I could go on but for the sake of pithy I'll spare ya'll that. Now, let's talk about these cell phone mother-fuckers. Dude, put the phone away. You're a self-important little bastard. What the hell is wrong with these idiots. Look if you're gonna drive, drive. If you're gonna hang on the phone like it was a friggin appendage then pull over your god-damned car! Don't put others in jeopardy of being caught between a pile of twisted metal just because you wanted to know what thong your sister is wearing. And speaking of people getting run over, parents listen up! From this day foward I will award 5 Ringgit to anyone who runs down a 5 year old, 10 Ringgit for every 10 year old, 15 Ringgit for 15 year old and so on and so forth. Coz' I am sick and tired of dodging kids through traffic who aren't even old enough to wipe their own asses yet, but are riding motorbikes like they're racers in the Grand Prix. If you love your child and he's underage to ride, keep that lil fucker off the streets. Hell, beat the shit out of him until he's in a coma if he decides otherwise. So he'll suffer an emotional trauma, but at least he'll live, which is more then I can say If i ever catch one riding a bike. Next up, drunk drivers! You know, the type of asshole who always has to get shitfaced on the weekends, smells like a case of malt liquor and with no depth perception of any kind. As far as I'm concerned, give 'em the keys rev up the engine, and let 'em go sailing home with a bottle of taquila in their lap. One of three things will happen. 1: The cops will pull them over and end up having to beat the shit out of them, just because this fucker is in a drunken rage and refuses cooperate. Number 2: They'll wrap themselves around a telephone pole and either be killed or paralyzed. Cruel, you say? Well, so is inflicting your drunken stupidity on the rest of the world, so be ready to pay the consequences. Asshole. Scenario number 3, my least favorite: They make it home okay and pass out on the lawn with their motor running, while the radio is blasting some dumbass metal song from the mid-80's that no one wants to hear anymore. But at least it gives 'em a chance to try again next week. Then there are the idiots who just can't seem to paralel park their cars right and have to do a 78-point turn just to park their damn cars, so they avoid all confusion and double park right next to your car obstructing you from getting out. Oh and not forgeting the nuts who driving around listening to stupid dance music that no body gives a shit about. You know they turn it up really loud to get your attention while driving by as if your going to throw yourself on top of the car and start pounding on the windshield and say "Oh, I love you because your playing dance music!" Yeah okay. What the fuck ever. What you do is, aim for the tires and fucking blow those shits out and then he will crash into a telephone pole. So with all that, I think it's safe to say that Malaysian drivers have sealed their spot here at number THREE quite securely. (A 'Boleh-land' driver in full
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Number TWO is a suprise, it has been pissing me off every single day. SPAM. No, not foward mails, I can deal with that crap but SPAM, no effing way!!! I get 140 to 250 e-mails in my inbox daily. Of which only 15-20 of them are worth reading. The rest of them are porn ads. Male Ejaculations, Blowjobs, Anal sex, Pen!s enlargements, and all that other bullshit. I don’t even think these people do research on their target audience. What makes them think that I’m remotely interested in pen!s enlargements *ahem*? Then they've got the 'Secret Money Tranfer' letter scam by some fucker in Africa wanting to tranfer his fortune out of the country because his father, 'a politician', is killed and he fears his life may be in danger. Wuss. But seriously, stop that shit. Okay thats about wraps it up for number TWO here.HA... Fooled Ya!! Didn't I say number TWO was gonna be a suprise. Actually I couldn't decide between TWO things. So I I figured I'd spare myself the brain seizure in trying to figure out which sucked ass more and call it a draw. The second things that sucks and shares the number TWO spot here with SPAM is 'Generation X'. For those of you who don't speak stupid, that's; city kids who talk like gibbering idiots and think their gangstas just because their mommys bought them baggy pants and angst filled rap music CD's. Okay first things first, If anyone notices these asshats pranching around town, go grab a 2 x 4 or a PVC pipe and start raining hell on that lil prick IMMEDIETLY!. Aim for the general crotch area. Don't worry, those kids in baggy pants can't run to fast. Once done, give yourself a pat on the back because you have just succeded in rescuing society from yet another one of these genetic rejects from ever breeding, period. Now I admit, hi-hop was one of my favourite forms of music but then I turned 16 and realised that there exists a whole new world of music out there, one's that didn't include screaming, vulgarity, nonsense lyrics and semi-idiotic rhyming, hip-hop started to make a lot less sense then. See the thing about kids today is they want to belong to something. The problem is, they're all so fucked up from being bombarded by family issues, mass media run amok and all that other crap (some of which are on this list *cough*MTV*cough*) that they rare are able to fit in most normal social structures without running into any conflicts sooner or later. So they join another social structure that bears no rules at all. Generation X; The Hip-Hop Generation. Hey, you gotta have rules to be able to break them in the first place, correct?! Hence, the hip-hop lifesyle starts to appeal to more and more to these kids. First it's their clothes that start to change. 13 year olds donning pants that are big enough to fit a family of four in them. T-Shirts become walking bilboards for rap artists, I swear to god I say one kid's tee say "CHINGY: GANGZTA RAPPA". Who the fuck would want to name themselves "Chingy", it's sounds like something doctors would use for anal probings. "Hmm...well Sir, if you could just lie right here and I'll quickly insert the chingy for a quick look."And another thing, spelling. Apparently, there is no room for proper spelling and pronounciation in the hip-hop world. Whoops.... I mean, there ain't no spellin' and 'nunciation, yo! Because spelling things inkorrectly is totally kool TO THE MAX for these idiots. If you ever catch your child using any of these words; wassuuuup!, Yo!, Homiezz, Whad' up.. call a shrink to evaluate you child ASAP because you have just failed as a parent. Oh, then there are the kids who are completely devoid and clueless of their own race. I'm talking about the lil ghetto rats who think they're black. Dude, (or dudette's for the ladies) look in the mirror. You're not black/dark/brown because your folks are African, you're black/dark/brown because you wonder out in the sun to long. Get a sun tan lotion and leave the hip-hop trash. Back in hip-hop's heyday of the '80s and early '90s, some of the most popular groups were also some of the most vibrant - the militant Public Enemy, the uplifting Arrested Development, the stylistically abstract A Tribe Called Quest, and the teacher KRS-One. Despite different approaches, they seemed to be working together to speak about the black experience and create the melting pot that made hip-hop so refreshing and vital. But today everything is about guns, sex and violance to these hacks. Of course all musical genres have had a lot to say about sex, poverty and crime - it's nothing new. It's just that these days, hip-hop seems to want to communicate its message a little more crudely and crassly: Take a look at any rap artist music video and you're sure to find 3 basic things, EXCESSIVE CLEAVAGE, BOOTY, THONGS. On the topic of thongs and cleavage, now Im no connoisseur of the female posture but If your showing more cleavage then a sweaty plumber's ass, cover that up stat!. There's a fine line between sexy and plain slutty. Low cut top with lace = sexy, Ultra-mini see through skirts = slutty. Noone needs to see your butt crack. And finally, the worst thing about 'Generation X' that seals its place at number TWO along with SPAM is, ironically, the 'Generation X' parent. See the 'gen x' parent these days are s caught up with all the psycho-bable about 'proper parenting' that they go out and buy books and tapes about raising their kids right instead off opting for a quick flick of their palm across the kids face. But at the moment their kids turn up looking like 50 cent, they cringe and quickly call a shrink to pull a medical condition out of their kids ass to hide the fact that their incompetant parents. Then there are the idiots who think they need to be more of a 'friend' to their kids for them to love them. Ok here's a lil tip parenting tip, your child needs a parent not another braindead friend who thinks and talks and reasons like giddy 12 year old.
(What are you looking here for? The picture says it all!)
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Ta..ta..ta..daaaa!! Dussshh!!! We're finally here. Aantal, Nr. eine, Numero Uno, Number ONE!!! God my fingers are sore. Okay lets do a quick recap of the countdown. At Number TEN was the ghey-est boy band in the west, WESTLIFE. Number NINE saw the undying-annoyence of the VOLKSWAGEN BEETLE. Crashing in at EIGHT was the very asexual THE LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY. WORLD WRESTLING
So who or what is number ONE you ask?! Well it's a combination of both really; both who and what. Now I love blogging, and before you freaks say "Yeah, I can tell that from your ever constipated posts." , I'll say this; I know I've been sl
acking on posts lately but thats only because the exams are drawing near. I love blogging, I enjoy it because of two things 1) I take pleasure in making people laugh and 2) I can say shit here I won't otherwise say in real life without worry of any repurcussion, well for the most part at least. Blogging is an form of self-expression then it is about amature journalism (in all it's forms). I enjoy reading almost every other type/style of blog, be it a daily diary or just some random stuff people love to talk about vis-a-vis, they're all fascinating in their own right. But there is one particular type/style of blog that just pisses me off to no end. EMO. If you haven't got a clue as to what an 'EMO' is click here right now! For those of you to much of a bum to click on that link, i'll give you a basic rundown of it;"Emo is a slang term used to describe a range of fashion styles and attitudes somewhat affiliated with emo music and its related scenes. As an adjective, emo can describe a style of fashion or music; or a general state of unhappiness, loneliness, or melancholy (as in "to feel emo"). Emo is also used as a noun, often pejoratively, to identify a member of the "emo scene" or someone viewed as fitting the "emo" stereotype." - Wikipedia
Basically you wanna be on the look out for idiots dressed like the following;
EMO is stupid. These hacks pretend that they're very 'deep' and 'sensitive' when all they are just whinny lil non conforming bastards who listen to way to much grunge-rock. To spot one of these fuckers scuffing around town is nothing short of childs play. The hair styles EMO's don are a sure give-away.Their apparels too seems somewhat of a disclosure of their pathetic existence. Keyword here is BLACK, black tee, black pants (EMO's often clothe in sucky high-water pants), black EVERYTHING. But don't confuse them with the Goths, EMO's are a step lower in the sespool of social rejects, often looking down when walking, never smiling. Anyways, getting back to why EMO blogs reak and here's why; EMO's are constantly whinning about something. But that's not all EMO's have a knack for writting bad poetry to describe they're whinny-ness ergo, and EMO's blog here for example. EMO's thrive on 'being unique' and feeling sorry for themselves and they're existence, so they NEVER write about anything cheerful like how most normal 'less unique; people do, period!; apparently being EMO entitles one to a lifetime of sorrow. The following words are a MUST for any EMO literary publications with no fewer than 50 times per poem: lament, loathe, soul, darkness, bitter, agony, despair, misery, anguish, pain, suffer, woe, hate, death, love, sultry, angel, rose, acrid and nihilism. Nihilism is a good one because it comes up all the time in normal conversations. Oh and EMO always take everything personally, leave a comment on an EMO's blog and you're sure to be dogged by that fucker for the next 3 weeks about how "sorry" he/she feels about the world/their life/their pet/neighbour/ pretty much anything. Not to forget the trademark EMO glasses, No pseudo-intellectual is complete without a pair of ultra-hip "EMO" glasses. Just put them on and let the smart vibes flow. A mere glance and people will be able to tell that you're the type of person who reads Dostoevsky. You won't be mistaken for anything short of an astro-physicist, or a theoretical physicist of some sort, (eventhough you couldn't tell the difference between apple juice and apple cider). All physicists go to stupid raves, bleach their hair, and listen to angst-filled punk music because they don't want to seem uncool in front of the other scientists. If you want to go the extra mile and really seal the deal, wear plugs in your ear lobes so you have giant nasty sagging flaps of skin hanging off of your head. It'll look great when you pull your head out of your ass and go to a job interview some day. Then again, you're EMO; you don't need a job. You're totally unique, and all unique people wear box-framed nerd glasses. Even though real nerds wear glasses like these, they're not cool because they wear their glasses out of necessity. EMO's in my oppinion are the suckiest of, that said, here ends the maiden edition of my Top Ten List. I won't be posting much for the next couple of weeks but I'm pretty sure this post should keep ya'll entertained till my next post. I'll end this post with a tribute video to all EMO's. adios.
